During 2008, I began interviewing Greg Congdon online. I had seen two videos about him on Youtube and was quite inspired! When still in his teens, Greg was outed in his town and then ousted by his high school football team based on the fact that he was gay. The exciting thing about conversing with Greg is that 1) his life journey is an incredibly unusual one and 2) he answers questions with total frankness. It is my hope that we will continue the interview into the future.
QUESTION:
Suppose Kyle Smith, the captain of your high school football team, called you and said, "Hey Greg, I'd like to see you and talk things over with you. I'm older and wiser now and I'm sorry for what happened and I want to ask for your forgiveness. " What would you say to him?
ANSWER
The only way I would believe and accept an apology from Kyle is if he agreed to go into a gay bar... get on stage and make it a public apology since he felt the need to make my secret public.
Question:
Suppose another team member said to you, "Greg, I'm gay too, but I just couldn't come out with you when you were outed. I wanted to hold on to my status at school and to my place on the football team, but I'm out now and I'd like to be your friend. " How would you reply to that?
ANSWER:
As far as those who hid in the closet back then and didn't say anything, I don't blame them. I might have done the same thing at that time. So yes I would accept them as a friend.
QUESTION:
Is there any point trying to dialogue with coaches about adjusting their language during practices so that players aren’t hearing words like, “fag” and “pussy” yelled at them so much? Do you have any advice for HS football coaches?
ANSWER from Greg:
As far as coaches go they do need to not only coach but they also fill a role to a lot of teen males as teachers. If athletes learn that its ok to have a gay teammate and the coaches are fine with it and promote it as acceptable then it will carry into the college level and then the pro level.
QUESTION:
Do you have some favorite musicians and songs? Suppose a singer/songwriter whom you really admire wants to write a song about you – Greg Congdon. He asks you to give him some ideas of what the lyric should say. How would you answer that request?
ANSWER from Greg:
Thats a tough question because it not only has to be a singer I can listen to and feel some thing from his music, but also a singer that is highly respectable. I mean don't get me wrong I would love to have Justin Timberlake sing to me and sing about me all night long, but to answer your question that’s something a little more serious. As far as lyrics, well I would have to show him my life, my interviews, the e-mails I get. Let that singer see my world through my eyes. Great song writers do that. Personally I am not a country fan but there is one artist I know who is able to tell a remarkable story and that is Garth brooks.
QUESTION:
I understand that you've become a mentor for younger gays and am wondering if some of them express concern about reconciling a gay lifestyle with religion? How do you help them with this challenge? How do you handle it in your own life?
ANSWER from Greg:
To me that is a simple question because that is brought up a lot with teens with being gay and the bible being so important to them and their family. When that subject is brought up I just ask a series of questions. 1} Did you choose to be gay, and when they say no, I reply back so you were born this way?. And they always say yes which we know is true. 2}So God creates all life right according to the bible, and of course they say yes. My reply back to that is then why would god create a sin, why would god create some thing he hates? It always allows them to see a different ideal perspective on it.
QUESTION:
"What made you realize for sure that you were gay?" Was it something as simple as "I'm attracted to guys? Or was it something(s) more than that?
ANSWER from Greg:
Wow a tough question. My first realization of knowing that I was gay was by falling in love with my best friend, which we had a sexual affair for 2 years from the ages of 13-15. I knew I was different but in all honesty at that age and with the low amount of positive gay images in mainstream media I was just very confused. I realized I was gay when my best friend decided it was time to stop playing around and focus on girls. Well to me I could not do that, it wasn't me. That’s how I realized I was gay.
QUESTION:
In the research that I've done about you on the internet I've never been able to pinpoint your date of birth! 1) What is it? 2) Do birthdays have any particular significance for you? 3) Since you've been out of the closet, has the way you celebrate your birthday or the way you acknowledge a friend's birthday changed at all?
ANSWER from Greg:
LOL - my birthday is October 17th. I was born in 1980. To me birthdays are just another day and I have found the older you get the more you regret them. As far as the third part no, like I said to me a birthday is just another day, but to some of my friends it is a big deal so I make sure I celebrate their birthdays accordingly.
QUESTION:
Whenever people talk about gay football, the name David Kopay comes up. As I’m sure you know, he came out back in December 1975 in the Washington Star. Have you ever had any sort of contact with David Kopay?
ANSWER from Greg:
I met David Kopay in NYC when we both did the Phil Donahue show. Personally I found him to be a bit pompous and ignorant. I don't know, I guess that’s just the impression I got of him that day.
COMMENT from Interviewer
I'm sorry to hear that. Potentially there could have been so much to share between the two of you. I would have predicted that he'd offer you support and want to take you under his wing.
COMMENT from Greg:
Honestly it was definitely the other way. He seemed to want things his way and with his word. My true friends who know me know I am a very opinionated person and I always speak my mind. I think what pissed me off the most about him was he wanted me in some way worship him and I refused because what has David Kopay done for gay teens? Nothing. One person I see as a great friend and I love speaking to is Dan Woog who was actually in that interview, and I am in his second book Jocks 2 "coming out to play".
QUESTION:
You had two overdoses of drugs during your traumatic high school years. There is some debate about whether you were really attempting suicide. People refer to the fact that the drugs and doses you took were not lethal and couldn’t have killed you. How would explain these two overdoses today?
ANSWER:
Regarding whether my suicide attempts were a cry for help, well the first attempt, I fucked up by taking the wrong drugs. The second attempt, if you listen to the interview, it obviously was not a cry for help. I did quick research on Tylenol. You have to remember my mom is a RN so we had hospital strength in the house. I took 33 and went to bed. I was so pissed off that I woke up that I took 10 more in the school parking lot. Half way through my body started failing, puking, kidney pains. That’s why I had to stay in ICU before I was submitted to a psych ward.
QUESTION:
From what you know about the gay world, is it true that an athlete, jock, or macho gay guy takes the dominant role in sex most of the time or is that just a myth?
ANSWER from Greg
To be honest this is an easy question. In my everyday life I am very dominate in how I do things and live. Though when it comes to the bedroom I am the complete opposite. There are two factors that I have noticed generally among those who fall into roles. One, their family life growing up plays a huge impact. The second I would have to say is personality.
COMMENT from Interviewer
So to be clear about your answers if you could expand on them a little that would be great:
1) the fact that you are dominant in life and attitude but not in bed suggests that it's a myth that most gay jock athletes are tops?
2) Your saying that those whose family life growing up has a huge impact on them - do you mean in choosing a role they are trying to mimic one of the roles they observed at home when growing up with their family?
ANSWER from Greg
1) Yes I will definitely say not all jocks are tops, same as not all flamers are bottoms.
2) Definitely. I mean think about it, those who grow up in a abusive family usually find themselves with abusive BF's. Its the way of life they know and it as strange as it might seem is a comfort to them. Gay guys usually tend to trend off the mother aspects. If the mother is a strong individual then the gay male usually will as well. Though if the mother is quiet and generally passive so will the child.
QUESTION:
Would you give me the short list of your own gay heroes?
ANSWER from Greg:
You know what’s funny. I honestly did not, nor still do not have any gay heroes or any straight heroes. A life of one does not deserved to be worshipped but someone. To me the ultimate sign is respect. There are people I respect like Dan Woog, Ian Roberts, Mark Bingham (who is the closest I would call a hero), and one who is still in the closet, Anderson Cooper.
QUESTION:
Suppose an insightful friend gave you a beautiful golden treasure chest. Inside was a note that said: Greg – place in this chest anything that makes you feel fantastic. What would you put into the chest?
ANSWER:
Music, a dvd of the NY giants winning the Super Bowl. Beautiful boys make me happy but I don't think its safe to stuff them in a chest. Finally, and honestly.... money.
